Q: I’m officially a “middle school mom” with my daughter starting sixth grade. I think I’m more concerned about the transition than she is. How can I stay involved without being one of those moms who hovers over her child too much?
A: When my daughter left our cozy elementary school with the bubbly fish tank in the lobby and went off to a huge middle school with cold, metal lockers and a security office, more experienced parents told me: “Oh, middle school is the worst. Everything changes during the middle school years. It’s awful.”
Don’t believe it. She’s now starting her last year of middle school, and it’s been a great experience so far.
There are a few ways to stay involved during your child’s middle school years – although all of my attempts to volunteer with the school supply store or chaperone an occasional dance have been met with an “OMG, please don’t!” from my daughter. While elementary kids seem to enjoy having us around as classroom volunteers, by middle school, a lot of teens would rather have us do something else with our time – or “get a life,” as they sometimes put it.
I’ve found the best way to stay connected to teachers and classes during middle school years is through The Source. That sounds like a super-cool parent spy who hangs out in school and relays information to the rest of us. The Source is actually an online tool that’s available on Seattle Public Schools’ Web site. You can check it out at www.seattleschools.org/area/source/index.dxml. Parents can log on to see their students’ current grades, attendance, homework, WASL scores, and teachers’ e-mail addresses.
Beyond that, you have to let go (just a bit) and let your child grow.
A significant part of sixth grade is learning how to learn. Half of the work of the first month or so is finding ways to stay on track with several teachers assigning homework and projects, often with overlapping deadlines. Teachers and counselors will have tips to get organized, and then it’s up to your student to develop a system for getting school work finished. She won’t be perfect, but it’s better to make a few mistakes now, when the consequences aren’t perilous, than later, when her essay for admission to Yale is due.
My last suggestion for any parent: Ask questions. What are you doing in PE class? Did you do anything fun in science? Who did you eat lunch with? When’s the next school event? (As a reporter who gets paid to ask questions, I occasionally forget that my kids aren’t interview subjects, but you get the idea). Often, you’ll get one-word answers. Occasionally, they’ll open up with something that’s bothering them. Don’t try to solve their problems, but always be there to listen, listen, listen.
Linda Thomas is a freelance journalist and a Seattle Public Schools parent.
